


I Psychoanalyze The TDI Characters Through My Sherlock Holmes Self Insert

by ParalysisByAnalysis



Category: Total Drama (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Neglect, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Tags May Change, Trauma, Unreliable Narrator, description of panic attacks, haha total trauma island am I right
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:15:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28618650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParalysisByAnalysis/pseuds/ParalysisByAnalysis
Summary: Sometimes you just have to write for the sake of writing, and sometimes you just have to write for the sake of going 'people think this kind of this is cringe, so I'm going to do it even more'.Anyways, welcome to Camp Wawanakwa! If you don't know canon, it doesn't matter because we're throwing it out the window anyways! Meet Graham Yeakey; whose name is totally not a pun off of Sherlock Holmes.(Graham-HOMEStead, sure-lock, yeah-key? Come on guys this is elementary)Follow Graham as he ever so helpfully narrates the wacky adventures of twenty-two teens fighting for a chance at one million dollars!
Relationships: Bridgette/Geoff (Total Drama), Chef Hatchet/Chris McLean, Duncan/DJ (Total Drama), Katie/Sadie (Total Drama), Lindsay/Tyler (Total Drama), Noah/Owen (Total Drama)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Introduction: In Which We Meet Our Narrator

To Graham Yeakey, the twenty-two contestants standing amongst the cabins and trees of Camp Wawanakwa are open books. From the bricky to the all-overish, the balmy to the afternoonified, the bang-up to the gibfaced; they all told him more at a glance than most people knew after years of acquaintance. He was narrating in third person omniscient again, but what was he really, if not a third person omniscient?  
No, that didn’t sound good. That had sounded much better before he had thought it out into his consciousness.


	2. Chapter One: Discomfort And The Way In Which One Gets Roped Into Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An actual chapter this time! I do not have a consistent writing schedule but I will work on this I swear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for description of a panic attack and mild manipulative thinking. is that a valid fear response or am I messed up? the world may never know

It was unimportant, however, as one of the contestants had begun to approach him, a determined look in her eyes and a blue bandana on her head. Her name was Lindsay, and she did not interest him in the slightest.

  
“Heyy, I didn’t see you when we were standing on the dock? What’s your name? I’m Lindsay and this is Trent!”

  
Lindsay motioned towards a boy on her left, whose name was not in fact Trent, but Tyler. He looked very confused, but made no move to correct her, believing that since it was their first meeting she could easily get the names of her fellow competitors mixed up and would sooner or later realize her mistake. Unfortunately for him, it would most likely be much later.

  
“Hello~o? Hey are you okay? CAN YOU HEAR ME?”

  
He could very much hear her, as she was now yelling. Shaking himself out of his thoughts he quickly shushed her before she could damage his eardrums any further.

  
“You need not yell, my hearing is just fine. My name is Graham Yeakey, but you may call me Graham. I am..” He hesitated. “Pleased to meet you.” He quickly covered up the disgusted look on his face and extended his hand for her to shake. She looked at it in confusion before grinning widely and pulling him into a hug.

  
He tensed up, he disliked physical contact of any extent, but hugs were worse than most. Trapped. He was trapped. He had to get out to get away to get away from her why was she hugging him this wasn’t alright he-

  
She let go and stepped back. Her voice was muffled in his ears. Talking about some mindless gossip. She was insecure about her worth. Her usefulness. She wanted to be helpful, she felt like a burden. One could weaponize that. It wouldn’t be logical. He needed to calm down, not lash out. He knew that.

  
He just needed to get out of this never-ending conversation before he said something he would regret.

  
Graham suddenly realized that, at some point, Lindsay had stopped talking and was now looking at him worriedly. He shook his head slightly in an attempt to get rid of the last scraps of anxious thought lingering and threatening to blur his senses. Meeting Lindsays eyes, her large, blue eyes that were filled with a sickeningly genuine concern that made him sick, he forced a smile.

“I apologize, I didn’t quite get that. What was your question?” Because it was almost certainly a question, people like her only tended to pause in conversation when looking for a response from the other party.

  
“Well, I just noticed you looked kinda freaked out. Are you okay? Oh! Maybe you’re nervous about competing! That’s alright, everyone’s suuuuper nice! If you want I can introduce you to some people! I’ve already made a bunch of friends! Like Bess, oh and Croquette!”

  
He may not have been competing, but he was certainly ‘freaked out’. She was perceptive, he had to give her that. Or perhaps his mask had slipped unintentionally while he was trying to calm down. It was quite possibly a combination of both, and with that thought he realized that he had not actually responded to her question.

  
“Ah, I’m alright. I was merely thinking. You don’t need to introduce me, I am already familiar with everyone on the island.” Though, he wasn’t familiar with anyone named ‘Bess’ or ‘Croquette’, knowing instead about ‘Beth’ and ‘Bridgette’.

  
The speakers set up around the camp squealed with static and came to life, the voice of the show's host blaring far louder than was necessary.

  
“Cam-pers! That’s enough lazing around for today, we’re gonna need you to report up to the top of Mount Wawanakwa, STAT! Oh, and make sure to bring a swimsuit!” Chris’s cackling laughter mixed with the crackle of the loudspeakers and left the camp in a state of stillness once it finished. A moment of silence before the campers raced to grab swimsuits and get to the mountain, eager to get to the challenge for the first, and most likely last, time.

  
Lindsay grabbed his arm, causing Graham to tense up once again and all but yank himself away from her.

  
“Come oooon Grey! We don’t wanna be late!”

  
“I- What- It’s Graha-”

  
“If you don’t have a swimsuit I can lend you one but hurry uuup I don’t wanna miss it!”

  
And somehow he found himself roped into the competition that he was never meant to be in.


	3. Chapter Two: Finding Swim Trunks...And Lindsay’s Don’t Count

Even after pulling himself away, Graham found himself following Lindsay. Entirely against his will obviously, he didn’t want to join the competition. Though, he was just a bit curious about what was going to happen. 

There was however, one problem. Swim trunks.

And no, he was not going to borrow Lindsays.

He hadn’t thought he’d be competing, so he hadn’t packed trunks. He had very much doubted the image on the pamphlet and had done a little research of his own, finding out that the “magical island” was not a resort in the slightest. After that, well, he hadn’t been thinking he’d be swimming at all. 

He shoved his hands in the pockets of his comfort item, a colorblock jacket with blue sleeves. Which probably wasn’t the best idea for running after Lindsay, who appeared to have forgotten where she put her bag.

Graham sighed softly. He wondered if any of the guys had an extra pair of swim trunks. Scanning the contestants running by, he singled out one who would almost definitely have a pair he could use. Diverging from the path Lindsay was taking, he ran up beside the other blond and began to work out his question.

“Excuse me, would you happen to have a pair of swim trunks I could borrow? I happen to have left mine at home.”

“Oh, pscyah dude! I totally have an extra pair!”

Graham took a second to determine what ‘pscyah’ meant, and if he thought any normal human being could actually make that sound.

Anyways.

“Ah, thank you. Would you mind if I inquired as to what your name is?”

“Uhh nah I’m good thanks.”

“..I was asking what your name is.”

“Oh! I’m Geoff! But you can call me Big G.”

“...Big...G..?”

“Oh haha I’m just jokin with ya! Geoff is good! Let’s get those trunks dude!”

Graham had somehow not observed that they had been running around Geoff’s suitcase (supposedly with multiple pairs of swim trunks inside) for several minutes. He really had to get used to speaking to people again didn’t he? He supposed a year of solitude would do that to oneself.

They stopped running. Geoff opened up his suitcase and threw a pair of light blue swim trunks at Graham, who caught them easily. 

“Here ya go man! Hey do you know where the changing rooms are btw?”

“How did you say that out loud- Um but no, I’m afraid I don’t know. My apologies.”

“Oh man, you don’t have to be afraid. You wanna hug it out?”

Well at least he asked instead of just going for it.

“No, thank you. I believe I will be quite alright.”

“Okay whatever you say man, but it does look like you need a hug.”

What was with these blonds and thinking he needed a hug? Graham waved a goodbye and went to find a bathroom, or somewhere to change at least, seeing as all of the bathrooms seemed to have cameras set up in them. He was fairly sure that was against the law.

He ducked into one of the cabins and remarked to himself how dreary it was. Why was he on this island anyways? He had been sent a pamphlet and plane tickets to Ottawa, but hadn’t been signed on as a competitor. 

He also happened to have arrived a few days early, which gave him adequate time to meet the crew and scope out the island. 

Hm it really is a mess in here. These cabins are barely livable.

Ah, he meant, it really was a mess in there. The cabins provided barely seemed livable, much less enjoyable. He supposed it was just another way to wear down the competitors. Truly, this show seemed more like some sort of cruel experiment than actual reality tv. 

And with that thought he realized just how absurd the situation he was in was.

He was standing. In an empty, broken down cabin. Holding a pair of light blue swim trunks. Narrating what was happening.

Well, he supposed the narrating wasn’t a problem. It was a habit he had grown into. Somehow, narrating things from an outsider’s perspective made them seem… less painful than they actually were.

No, he supposed painful wasn't quite the right word. But that wasn’t important right now. He quickly put on the borrowed swimsuit and moved to take off his jacket.

His hands hovered over the bottom of it, not yet pulling it over his head.

It was fine. He could put it on right after the challenge, which undoubtedly involved some sort of diving into water. Water would just make the jacket wet, and then he wouldn’t be able to wear it for the rest of the day. Which would be much worse than not wearing it for the short amount of time it took him to finish the challenge and then retrieve it from the cabin.

It was fine.

He took off the jacket.

Tugging on the sleeves of his shirt Graham sighed. Wearing a shirt would be fine for diving, he had extra shirts in his bag. His luggage was hidden underneath one of the beds, he had planned on moving it before everyone had gotten here but time had slipped away quicker than he had anticipated. He tucked his jacket away safely amongst his various doo-hickeys and tools he had brought along to aid him.

He left the cabin. Watching the last of the now-suitably-clothed contestants running- or well, a few of them were running. Several were just. Chatting and moving altogether too slowly for his taste -towards the hill.

Taking a deep breath, he followed suit.


	4. Chapter Three: The Beginning Of The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for descriptions of a panic attack as well as implied neglect. oh I probably need to add that to the other chapter too.  
> I'm sorry that I just like, drastically increased my chapter length. I actually had to cut this off. this is the problem with having a narrator that doesn't know how to filter his thoughts smh.

Graham was not the last person up the hill (though it was a bit bigger than a hill. In fact it could very easily be described as a mountain), but he certainly wasn’t the first, as most contestants had arrived before him. 

Lindsay waved when she saw Graham and he gave a small wave back. Looking around, it seemed as though several of the kids were already making friends and forming groups.

Owen and Noah were talking, Owen with bright green swim trunks (with orange polka dots, a horrid combination) and Noah sporting a white tee shirt and grey trunks. Sadie and Katie had roped Bridgette into a conversation that she didn’t seem to be entirely enjoying. Harold and Cody were discussing something animatedly. And by that he meant VERY. Animatedly. Their conversation appeared to involve swords judging by the wild gesturing both parties were doing. 

Trent looked nervous, gently tapping his hand against his leg. He paused every nine taps before repeating the cycle. Graham admitted it was particularly calming, even just to watch. Or perhaps Trent just had a calming air about him, despite appearing nervous. In fact it may have been because he appeared nervous, it was calming to know that someone else felt the same anxiety you did.

Not that he was anxious, Chris would be up any minute and realize he did not belong in the competition and he would not have to compete at all. Then he would go back to the cabin, collect his things, and get a ride back to his place of residence. Simple. 

Unless Chris made him stay, but that was completely out of the question. There’d be an odd number of competitors, it simply couldn’t happen.

Somehow, while he was lost in his thoughts, the rest of the competitors had arrived at the top of the hill. Everyone stood around, waiting for instruction. 

After about twenty minutes Chris came up the hill. 

“Sorry campers! I completely forgot I had told you to come up here. Awk-ward I know. Anyhoo, let's get ourselves started! Today’s challenge-”

“Hey wait! He’s not supposed to be here!”

Graham turned to see the, more or less, most assertive of the group, better known as Courtney, pointing directly at him. Though he was glad that his presence was going to be addressed, he wasn’t planning on bringing it up quite so… tellingly.

“Uh, nah dude, he’s like, here isn’t he? If he isn’t supposed to be here, then why is he huh?”

Ah and now Geoff was chiming in. Graham really hadn’t intended for people to notice him, he was just going to talk to Chris once the other competitors had begun the challenge. Ideally, the swimsuit would have helped him blend in until then, but that was evidently not the case.

He would have kept his jacket on if he had known this was going to happen.

Lindsay (who didn’t seem to know who the conversation was about, but joined in nonetheless), Geoff, and Courtney began to argue. A few contestants were counting how many teens were crowded on the hill, while others just rolled their eyes and went back to whatever they had been doing before Chris had arrived.

Graham, however, merely let them. And if he was perhaps wringing his shirt in his hands that wasn’t a problem, just a sign that he was growing anxious. Which he tended to do when people yelled or talked about him as if he wasn’t there.

Having both happening at once was definitely something he could control. Anxiety was very easily manageable as long as he remembered to breathe.

Which he had not, but it was fine, he was breathing now and people weren’t yelling and they certainly weren’t yelling about him because he hadn’t done anything wrong now had he? No, he had been good and he had been quiet and he had stayed out of the way so there was no reason he would be being yelled about, was there? 

It was fine. He was fine. The noise wasn’t affecting him. He was just baffled as to how he had caused so much trouble for everyone.

He definitely should have kept his jacket on.

The three contestants continued to argue, drowning out Chris’s attempts to get back on track. Though, he looked more interested in the argument than the challenge at this point. Or at the very least amused by it. Graham turned his eyes to the ground, maybe if he wasn’t looking it wouldn’t be as bad. A dull, heavy pain settled into his chest and he wondered if perhaps he could will himself out of existence. His thoughts were steadily slowing and that was most likely not a good sign. He couldn’t hear, everything fading into the faint crashing of waves. 

Hadn’t been paying attention. Would they call mother? Didn’t belong here. Don’t need to call anyone just. It’d be fine. Don’t call anyone. It’ll be fine. Didn’t do anything wrong. Didn’t do anything wrong? Didn’t- Couldn’t- Too much. Too much thinking too many thoughts how was it so loud when there wasn’t any sound what was happening what’s happening what-

He stumbled as someone bumped into him. Hard. Graham exhaled a breath he hadn’t known he was holding and gasped for air as his unknown assaulter said something about “oy, watch where the hell you’re standing dweeb.” Though, at this point he wasn’t really standing, instead partially sitting on the ground as he tried to catch his breath. Graham could feel them hovering nearby as he took deep shuddering breaths. He motioned with his hand to signal that he would be fine in a moment and registered the scoff from behind him. The feeling that he was being hovered over went away. 

Graham wondered why the person would bother to wait for a signal that he was alright before leaving if they were just going to show irritation at it. He thought that he might owe them a sentiment of gratitude, actually, as they had knocked him out of his spiraling thoughts and significantly loosened the knot in his chest. Which he was now suspcting was due to his inability to breathe at the time. 

“Hey, enough with all the fuckin yelling! You idiots are gonna give me a headache, now can we get this shit started already?”

“But there’s only supposed to be twenty-two contestants! If he’s gonna stay here I’m gonna have to rework my entire plan for getting to the finals!”

“Well sorry to break it to ya  _ doll,  _ but real life doesn’t always follow your little plans. Can we get this show on the road already?”

Graham just sat, listening, and waited for his fate to be decided.

Though that was a tad dramatic. It wasn’t so much his fate he was waiting for as it was his heart rate, which was entirely too high for comfort. He needed to work on slowing his breathing down as well, the waves below crashing steadily in the background and providing something to smooth his thoughts out on. A focal point. The sea was something that had always calmed him down.

Chris evidently decided that enough was enough and began to shout over the ongoing hostile remarks.

“Alright listen up! I really couldn’t care less about how many of you there are alright? Now, at the docks each of you got either a one, or a two. Find the other members of your team based on what numbers you have, ones with ones, twos with twos. And hurry it up, people we don’t have all day!” 

The teens scrambled to find their teammates and get in line. Graham debated whether staying on the ground was such a good idea, now that everyone was running about causing chaos, and stood up, dusting off his shirt and borrowed swim trunks. 

He ended up standing alone as the two groups moved to opposite sides of the hilltop. Chris frowned at him.

“Hey, cam-per, I don’t know if you heard me, but I said to get into your respective groups. “

Graham found himself inexplicably nervous. “Ah, um, well you see, I don’t quite-”

“Yeah yeah okay, here’s the thing, I don’t care! We are on a  _ schedule _ , people!!”

Graham shifted uncomfortably and looked back and forth between the teams, trying to decide which he could feasibly get himself kicked off of faster.

He was, more or less, trying to bet on which team would lose.

Team one consisted of Lindsay, Cody, Owen, Noah, Trent, and several teens that Graham hadn’t taken time to study while they were waiting. The second team had Geoff, Courtney, Harold, Bridgette (along with Sadie and Katie, who were still carrying on with each other as Bridgette sighed), several other campers, and Duncan, who was talking to Courtney still. 

Graham abandoned his attempt at picking the losing team in favor of studying Duncan. 

Green mohawk, several ear piercings, skull shirt, obviously presenting as a tough punk type. He was clearly on guard, relying on outward appearance and a gruff tone to speak as to what his personality was like. So he wanted to be perceived as meaner than he actually is, most likely to cover something up. Judging by his actions, that something would be caring for people and things, or possibly just emotions in general judging by his flippant expression and deadpan voice even as Courtney hurled insults at him. He threw back obviously practiced words and she looked as though she was on the verge of tears, most likely due to anger. 

Graham switched focus.

Courtney. Her outward appearance proved to be more genuine, very neat and put together. Likes to be in control judging from her talk of plans. Most likely went to a private school or was privately taught judging from the way she stood, heels pressed together and toes slightly apart, her back stiff, her arms pulled tight and folded in front of her chest. A learned posture. Possibly from ballet lessons. Hm. She was gripping her forearms, tightly too, judging by the way the skin paled. Why? Most likely due to an emotional response. Did people tend to do that? She looked as if she was trying to keep from doing something with her arms. Though, it seemed that because all of her focus appeared to be invested in keeping something from happening, she had subconsciously begun to bounce slightly. More of a rocking motion really.

“For fucks sake do you not even know how to- Okay y’know what? Forget it! Don’t choose a team, you can be your own little team of one! Hope you’re happy because we have wasted almost all of the time we have on this-” Chris’s words dissolved into discontented grumbling about paperwork and how someone needed to get him some coffee  _ right now. _

Graham was startled out of his thoughts about Courtney. His own team? Well he supposed that would make it easier to lose. Not to mention getting eliminated. 

Though he was curious about Duncan and his desire to be perceived as mean, as well as Courtney’s rocking. Truthfully, many of the contestants were fairly interesting, even if they were incapable of keeping up with him in an intelligent conversation. And competing would get him out of the house for a while wouldn’t it? Not having to go back sounded wonderfu-

No, that would be absurd. Of course he wanted to go back home. He would lose this challenge, and eliminate himself. Simple as that.

“Alrighty then campers! Hope you’re ready to make a SPLASH on national television!” Chris laughed maniacally, though it didn’t have much effect, as he hadn’t yet explained the overall challenge.

Graham wondered what he had gotten himself into.


End file.
